half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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