Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
