She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
