my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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