I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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