So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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