I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she peed on how many people?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
