So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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