I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
vagina is talking i cant
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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