My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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