1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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