I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
