You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
