Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
