The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
