Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
