I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
