508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
