I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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