i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
