you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
