I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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