Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
