Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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