Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
