spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
