I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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