One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
