how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
