i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize