Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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