yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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