My brain says no but my pants say off.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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