i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize