He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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