Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
