TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
