Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
