Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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