i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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