she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
