So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
