Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
