remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
