i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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