i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
