If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
