I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
