You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize