This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
