as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
