I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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