I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
