trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
