Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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