The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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