my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I skipped work to stalk him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
