I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
