he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize