dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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