Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
