the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
