It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
