I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
