I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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